I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
