did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
