I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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