The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
