you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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