He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
