So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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