I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
