there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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