Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We need to get me chipped asap
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
