There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's never too late to be topless.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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