I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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