I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
