I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
