and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
