i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
