she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize