He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
