i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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