at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
