Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
