i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
