I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
