Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
