I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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