It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize