omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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