My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
