they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
