Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
