I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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