The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
