I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
