Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
