thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
