The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
