I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
