i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
