the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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