note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
