So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
