think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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