i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
