Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
