i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
