i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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