I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Couch. On fire.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
