It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
