At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
