So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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