I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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