Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
