I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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