Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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