Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
