Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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