her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
