Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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