Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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