You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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