its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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