What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize