So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
