I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
