haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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