i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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