don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i've created a new STD.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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