walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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