Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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