I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize