If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
