booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
