I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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