JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
