Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize