I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
