My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
