I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
