I accidentally had phone sex last night
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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