Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
