For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
