Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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