The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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