We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
