Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
