I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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