Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
This is my gift to your gina
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
