No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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