just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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