hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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