so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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