I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
