I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
