End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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