yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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