is your mom at the bar?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
