I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
pray to the hookup gods
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
