Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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