Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
