my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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