I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize
